The Mall Trail

Main Trail

          I took this hike  and found it to be very informative, very different from many of the hikes that I have taken. A true outdoors man only needs to do this hike once a year, best to do it a day or two before Christmas! The sights and sounds are unique and bold, even scary. The wildlife all look the same, but are different! Many spur trails to wander down and they all return to the main trail. There is a detailed trail sign to keep you from getting lost just be careful where you go.

Detailed Trail Sign

           Off we go, I have my pedometer on so I can see how far I travel. My daypack was left at home and the trekking poles aren't needed. That means no water and no snacks! No reason to change into my hiking shoes so I leave on my faithful crocs. Gracie stayed home, I am on my own!

          It is another beautiful day here in SC, the sun is shining, the weather warm and I am taking my annual hike on the Mall Trail. I arrive at the Mall Trail parking area about 9:AM and find that it is only about  one third full. This is good, we hikers will be able to spread out along the trail and not be rubbing elbows or bumping into each other. [ Boy am I wrong! ]

          First thing I do is push through a door, now that is a strange way to start a hike. I enter a large cavern type area, reminds me of the Mammoth Cave in KY. Sunlight is shining in through the roof and adding to the bright lights enticing me to wander into all of these side trails, more like caves full of stuff with narrow paths carved between the goodies. I have been here before, but never really remember or try to relive the experience from one year to the next. Not a place I want to be, every year I'm drawn like a moth to a flame and I always get burnt before I am able to fly away!

          American Eagle Outfitters.  I am confused, it has been my privilege to see the majestic eagle flying in the woods and over the lakes, but how are they outfitted? I turn into this spur trail, if you will, and secretively begin to look for white feathers, yellow eyes and sharp beaks, talons and wicked looking toe nails. Black glistening feathers and a little attitude-- "You want some of this? Come get you some!" Nothing like that in this place, oh well. I move on and see a sign for Gap.

There are many words for pass in the English-speaking world. In the United States, pass is very common in the West, the word gap is common in the southern Appalachians, notch in parts of New England, and saddle in northern Idaho.    A mountain gap is a route through a mountain range or over a ridge. If following the lowest possible route, a gap is locally the highest point on that route. This is the Wikipedia definition of a mountain gap.

 So here's this sign with Gap written on it and near it is another with Gap Kids on it, I'm thinking an easier way to hike this trail, so I enter the Gap. Big mistake! backing out very slow I enter the Gap kids. Not and I repeat, Not an easier way through the mountains. How many different kinds of clothing can one hiker buy? Now I'm beginning to feel just a little stressed, nothing is as I was expecting it to be. Ah! and another Ah! Bath and Body Works, where does this spur trail lead? Well, it smells good! If I find a hot spring to sit in and relax then this is a good spur trail, but all I find are things to use when I sit in the hot spring. Oh, wait just a minute, Brookstone, fresh water and a bubbling brook, maybe a hot spring and a cool mountain stream drink. Nothing like that on this trail, just some funny rocks! Now I see a Trail Sign saying Switch, first thought is switchback, trail must be getting steep. Entering this trail it's more like Trap, I turn and quickly walk away. Up ahead is Finish Line. The end of the trail, so I think, not so! Just a dead end trail!

            I keep moving along and keep reading trail head signs -- Journeys, Guess [ I know that I'll never guess, don't even try ] The Children's Place, aerie by American Eagle [ didn't know eagles made aeries, what ever they are ] Buckle, Mori, Jarman, Banana  Republic. Well here are some trails that may be just what I'm a needin'! The first one - stride rite, when I was having therapy after my bilateral knee replacement, the lady had me step over can goods she took out of our cupboards. I had to pick my feet up and stride rite. Next is The Walking Company, what a good place for a hiker to walk. While walking I came to a" cache "of " bare minerals " along side of " Coldwater Creek " underneath the " Palmetto Moon " and at " Hickory Farms " I discovered " Victoria's Secret " I'll tell you right now that Victoria has no secrets and that both she and her Mama should be ashamed for her to go around lookin' like that! I got a crick in my neck trying not to get caught looking!

          All things must come to an end and I turned around and headed back up the trail, returning to my car. I walked pass many more trails that I didn't explore and didn't see the need for me to do so. I entered a feeding area called Foot Court and decided that I should join the feeding frenzy. All kinds of wildlife; different ages and shapes - big, little, and all between. Hair styles of short hair and long hair, some even had half their head long hair and the other half shaved short. there was black hair and gray hair, no hair and a weird red dyed hair. Brown, blonde and a combination of both, parted hair and messy hair. All different types of food and different ways to eat it. Noise!! The level of noise increased and decreased as the wildlife moved in and out of the feeding area. All the wildlife looked different, but basically acted the same, no eye contact was made, we just enjoyed our meal and moved on.

          Opening the door and leaving the trail I realized that my pockets were lighter and my arms full of stuff gathered along the way. They got me again! The trailhead parking was slam full and cars were circling around like vultures looking for road kill. I rushed to my car and locked myself inside and tried to make myself small as I checked my pedometer. Three cars were waiting for  my space! I'd hiked 4574 steps, just over two miles. I am worn out! Start the car and notice the brake lights go out on the three cars vultureing me, putting the car in Drive as I stomp the gas I make my escape and don't look back.  It's high noon, I'm gone until next year!



          Turtle